Sometimes I get really angry at the boxes that the blood sugar testers come in, with the picture of the great reading on the front, like, “oooh, invisible fake person, you got a 92, bully for yooooooou, must be nice to be so perfect all the time”
I sometimes actually like feeling lo. For one, people praise the lower the blood sugars, and two, I can actually eat something without having to stab myself, like a regular person.
In the past I have taken too much of my gliclazide in order to require hospital admission, because I wanted the attention. The last occasion I ended up unconscious in resus. The fear has kept me away from this behaviour for several years, but recently the temptation is back again, and I hate myself for this.
Please stay strong! You don’t need to hate yourself for anything you feel - if you feel the temptation then you just feel it. Try to turn that hate into self-care and reach out for help if the temptation gets to strong. <3
I dont know what to feel right now. Im speculating that I have diabetes bcuz Ive done some research and I realized that Ive got most of the symptoms. I haven’t gone to the doctors yet but I cant rub off the feeling that I do. I’m scared and worried.
Please make a doctor’s appointment! It can be scary at first, but the sooner you know, the sooner you can get help and avoid your body getting sick/hurt from not treating it.
I don’t feel like I can post this on Facebook, because…well, look at it. If you’ve never used a pump, it’s a pretty daunting site-er, I mean, sight. (Diabetic-pun-intended) I trust my close family, friends, and girlfriend, but beyond that, there aren’t many on FB that would get it.
This is what it looks like on day 3 when I remove my pump site. Every 3 days I get another one of these. This one looks worse, the ones in my stomach/sides always do, but there’s too much scar tissue in my hips and thighs right now for sites to work there.
They itch, when I take them out. Does that look fun to scratch? No. And if I do, it will get infected. Because it was a 6mm deep catheter, that infection will almost always need oral antibiotics to heal. Which sets off a round of other side effects.
So I won’t scratch it, even though it itches.
I understand that I’m incredibly privileged to have access to a pump and health insurance that makes it possible. And don’t get me wrong, I love it and I ABSOLUTELY think it’s worth it. But there are days in which it is an absolute pain in the ass. Where it hurts. Where it’s ugly. And where I understand that the fat sacks that accumulate around pump sites will never go away.
I have thought about returning to shots, but I’m quite needle-phobic and I don’t feel like I’m able to trust myself with shots. The pump is nice, because I’m getting at least SOME insulin 24/7. But my basal rate (drip rate that runs 24 hours) counts for 74% of my daily insulin. Only 26% is doses that I manually enter into the pump. That’s why I don’t trust myself to take shots properly. I’m just not responsible enough right now.
I’m thinking of switching to a different set - the silhouette maybe? These pump bumps, as pictured, just drive me nuts - they hurt, they itch, they scar. And I know that they cause damage and extra fat, even as they’re keeping me alive.
Anyway, I just wanted to post this somewhere, and I would prefer to post in a place where there are many other diabetics, who won’t label me a freak for it or call me gross.
Why is it so hard for us to lose weight???? I’m a workout addict. I’ve never known anyone to eat cleaner than I do. My A1C has been 6.3 for six months straight. WHY CAN’T I LOSE WEIGHT
One of my best moments as a diabetic is when I asked my endo (who also is t1d) if he saw an endo or just treated himself. His whole demeanor changed, going from doctor mode to fellow diabetic mode when he informed me that yes, he saw an endo (“cause a doctor that has himself for a doctor has a fool for a doctor”). I honestly think he was glad to be finally be able to not be negative when speaking about diabetes- I know I was. It makes me smile every time I think about it.
Thank you!! It makes me so happy to hear that. Stay strong <3
I have an appointment with a new endo this week (switching to adult care) and im terrified. My A1C was 10.4 when I got tested in December, and honestly I don’t think it will be that much better now.
I want to have really good control but I don’t know why I can’t make myself check and bolus properly. When I think about it I just start to hate myself but also hate how I treat myself. I don’t think I ever really dealt with the emotional and psychological issues when I was diagnosed. But that was ten years ago.
I just never feel good and I really hate that. I don’t know how to feel better.