I cried last night because I checked my blood and it was 419. I have a problem with not really checking, and the most recent one before that was 270. I cried so much because I’m tired of being sick and hating myself. It showed how much my entire life is falling apart, and I have no idea what I’m gonna do. I’m only 15, and I’m so, so scared.
I know it gets hard, but you can do it! High numbers suck, and all you can do is accept it, learn from it, and try again. You’re not alone, please stay strong! <3
I have a history of self harm and depression, starting from before my diagnosis. I was getting better, and hadn’t hurt myself for a while, but after finding out, I’ve come close. My depression is back worse than ever as well, and I’m trying hard not to let my parents catch on to it, but it’s so hard. When I get really bad and really just hate myself or I don’t feel anything, I think about how easy it would be to just stop taking my insulin and let myself fade away. I’m terrified of what I’ll do.
Please stay strong, you’re a wonderful person! <3
Self-harm Helpline 1-888-610-2045
I’ve had diabetes for 7 years this May and have struggled with diabulimia and not taking my insulin for about 4 years. My mother has often called me “selfish” for what she see’s as self harm (not taking my insulin) even though I see it as a way to escape. She often tells me I should just take my own life now and get it over and done with. There’s also a chance I have early lymphatic cancer. That’s the first time I’ve said it since I found out. Trying to stay strong.
I was recently talking to my boyfriend about having kids. Obviously we talked about how diabetes could make that really challenging and he hated the thought of something going wrong. He said that he didn’t wanna think about that anymore and I couldn’t help but be jealous because he can stop thinking about it whenever he wants. I have this chronic illness though and I’m forced to think of everything that could go wrong every single moment I’m awake and I hate it.
Sometimes I get really angry at the boxes that the blood sugar testers come in, with the picture of the great reading on the front, like, “oooh, invisible fake person, you got a 92, bully for yooooooou, must be nice to be so perfect all the time”
I sometimes actually like feeling lo. For one, people praise the lower the blood sugars, and two, I can actually eat something without having to stab myself, like a regular person.
In the past I have taken too much of my gliclazide in order to require hospital admission, because I wanted the attention. The last occasion I ended up unconscious in resus. The fear has kept me away from this behaviour for several years, but recently the temptation is back again, and I hate myself for this.
Please stay strong! You don’t need to hate yourself for anything you feel - if you feel the temptation then you just feel it. Try to turn that hate into self-care and reach out for help if the temptation gets to strong. <3